My journey to battle the inner voice that keeps me chunky … Starting with finishing The Rugged Maniac on May 31, 2014

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An hour and a half of soccer and drills with a bunch of kids.

And that’s it…


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My awesome family soon after starting out on our hike today.


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I cheated & didn’t upload a before pic so here’s me today. I’ll try and add one each month on the first til I hit a weight I’m happy with.


A good read…

WCCO | CBS Minnesota

MINNEAPOLIS (WCCO) — More than one third of American children are overweight or obese, and a new study shows signs of this health problem can be detected earlier than you might think.

Researchers followed nearly 8,000 children, and almost half of the kids who were obese at 14 were already overweight when they were just 5 years old.

Pediatricians say taking simple healthier steps when children are small is the key to preventing obesity.

“It’s so easy to cut calories just by stopping juice in a child’s diet, giving low fat milk after two instead of whole milk, getting your kids active,” said Dr. Dyan Hes of Gramercy Pediatrics in New York. “Children should have one hour of physical activity a day.”

The study also found that babies born large are at the highest risk of becoming obese by high school.

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So often in life we worry about such trivial crap. Little things that don’t really make a difference. We think they do … Until something really important socks you in the stomach. Hitting you so hard you kneel over as of you’d really been hit.

A little over a week ago I sat in my car waiting for a client to finish lunch so we could head into an appointment. Always a fidgeter I glanced at Facebook on my phone, just for a second. In the world of mundane and silly updates and tidbits were the words “The cancer has spread to my spine”.

The words came from a kind and gentle friend. A wife and mom of two young girls. A women who in her 30ish years of life has drawn more than her share of short straws and yet keeps on smiling through it.

I took a long slow breath and shook the shock from my suddenly stiff body. Smiling at my client and cursing my fidgets. The words stung. I wanted so badly for them not to be true but of course they were…

And the worst part is… I don’t know how to help. All the years of nursing, the hospice training… The knowledge means nothing when you are watching a friend endure so much mentally and physically.

What are the right words to say? Does hallmark make a card for that? I’m sorry you are being cheated out of your best years. I’m sure your kids will be okay. There is no good answer. No right words only trying to take it all in and keep breathing through it.

So there are moments. Today my work day derailed a bit and another good friend and I went to visit. To sit and to be with our dear friend, to sit in the knowledge that there is absolutely nothing we can to to fix this situation. But we can chat and we can talk about the future because through it all our bible based hope keeps us grounded. And… We can play cribbage… And we can be…

Just be. Because today we have this moment…


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I reached my first mini weight loss goal and this was my reward, a new miche bag with two covers from a local consignment store!

Have a great weekend!


My son, Zephaniah is an amazing little boy. I am a proud mommy. He makes me smile and I take delight in watching each little step he takes toward becoming the kind hearted, strong young man I imagine he will become. He is quick and highly verbal and pretty much a cool kid (I am not going to tell him all of this however, I’m trying to keep him humble). Zeph is also scared; of the dark, of being too close to the edge when hiking, of falling off his bike, etc, etc, etc… He is only four and a half so fear may seem par for the course but here’s the catch…he reminds me of me… How did it happen that he already shares my propensity for fear? Is it genetic? Did I mess him up already with my abundance of anxieties?

And one more catch… It turns out only mommy can help him work out his fears. You see in our family we have the fears and the fear-nots. My husband and my two stepkids, Kailey and Evan are the fear nots. They are ready to try anything anytime. Climb those rocks? Sure. Take that jump on your bike? Sure. Skydive? Good chance, but don’t worry, it’s not an option. Zeph and I, we are the fears. What’s crazy is Zeph has already figured that out. If dad (who he adores, by the way) pushes him to do something he’s afraid of he cries, fusses or explains “I’m just a little kid, I can’t do that”. If mom pushes him to do what he’s afraid of… He does it. Sometimes it’s difficult but he does it. We even have a system. We have silly fears and smart fears. Silly fears are things like walking down the hall in the dark or walking over a grated dock… No real danger exists. Smart fears keep us safe. We listen to smart fears. We tell silly fears to be quiet and we do what we want to do.

The theory may sound a little funny… But the look on his face when he conquers that fear, it is a beautiful thing. “Look mom, I’m a big kid”, he says, his face beaming with pride. And then I beam with pride… Because if I can help him overcome his fear… Well that’s just … Awesome!!!

Yesterday, he overcame a big fear. He learned to ride his two wheeler, with no training wheels. As I watched him I felt my stomach lurch each time he almost fell, those familiar fears returning, but I didn’t let it show, I gave him space, I let him fall, I made a video like any proud mom does. As I watched I realized my four year old can ride a bike. Which is really stinking cool! Plus, he can conquer his fears. He is already beating the same fears that took me … Let’s just say a while. And if he can do it… then so can I.